I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
