His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
