She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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