So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
