How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
so that wasnt chicken after all
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize