You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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