I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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