Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
