Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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