3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
