We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
