9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
