Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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