when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
