true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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