omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
