Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
