i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
