so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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