I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
