I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
