we have pet lesbian snakes
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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