my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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