I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
