We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
