i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My ass is underappreciated
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
