Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
