Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
