Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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