I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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