Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
