weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
