his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
