need another drink. this is the easiest way
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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