I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
