Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
