3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
