I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
