I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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