Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Randomize
