my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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