seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
