Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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