Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I need to stop coming to work sober
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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