I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
