Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
