When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
