The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
