Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We were destined to go to rehab together
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
