fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
