I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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