Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
