are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
